


Medieval Shenanigans

by stupidityeatsme



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Karkat and Kanaya are morails, Medievalstuck, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-11 21:27:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3333488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupidityeatsme/pseuds/stupidityeatsme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DISCONTINUED STORY</p><p>I mean you can read it if you want but it's not that good and it's not gonna get updated anymore anyways, soo.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sir Dave Strider woke up one morning earlier than usual. The sun was barely beginning to rise, but the room was well lit by a large candle on the other side of the room. Sir Dave’s roommate, Sir Karkat Vantas, stayed up all night reading his sappy romance novels again.

Dave sat up, still tired and not one hundred percent awake. “Shouldn’t you be saving that candle wax for something important rather than your stupid books?” He said. The tired knight glanced up at him.

“You’re awake!” He exclaimed.

“I am? I had no idea I was awake,” He rolled his eyes.

The other knight did as well. “Shut up. What time is it, anyway?”

“Uh, look out the window stupid.”

Karkat placed a bookmark in his book, closed it, then set it next to him. He turned around to see the window behind him. The sun was coming up and it wasn’t going to do it slowly.

The troll groaned, and then yawned. He couldn’t believe he had stayed up all night again.

“Lemme guess. Stayed up all night immersing yourself in your stupid romance novels since you can’t get a girlfriend yourself?” Dave laughed.

Karkat threw a pillow at his roommate. Feathers flew everyone, and the two of them laughed. Dave spit a feather out of his mouth then tossed his rag of a blanket aside, exposing his (mostly) naked body so he could get his work clothes on. Karkat tried not to stare, but damn, Dave was really good-looking. Like, really good-looking. He picked his book back up to get back to reading so that he wouldn’t keep staring awkwardly.

Dave opened a cupboard where he and Karkat flung all their clean clothes after washing them on their free days. Everything was kind of a mess, but they didn’t have much space in their small living quarters to put clothes away properly. He pulled out his knight’s uniform which was red pants, a red shirt with a red symbol on it, and his red cape. He wore a lot of red, come to think of it. And it was bright, too. Good thing he wasn’t an important knight who needed to camouflage or else he’d be screwed.

“Man, I really don’t feel like showing up to the training today,” Karkat said. “And no, that’s not just because I stayed up all night reading my excruciatingly intriguing book about a complex situation in which-”

“Dude, I don’t care about your shitty books,” Dave rolled his eyes, closing the cupboard. “I’ll cover for you, don’t worry. You can stay here all day and sleep or go hang out with the witch I know you’re pining after,” Dave smirked, leaning against his bookshelf. “You know, the one that works with my half-sister?”

Karkat turned a little bit red. “I’m not pining after her, asshole!”

“Suuuuurre. Face it, after you found out what happened between the jester and the judge's daughter, you completely forgot about her and went after my best friend's cousin. Dont’ deny it,” Dave said, quirking an eyebrow.

Karkat’s face now started to burn. “Oh, you mean my best friend who literally went insane and is punished by being a fucking courtjester for the queen? I thought we didn’t talk about him anymore,” Karkat grumbled. He was seriously tired and seriously angry and seriously didn’t feel like discussing past romantic affairs between his friends.

“Yeah, well anyways, it’s obvious you like the witch, so after you sleep all morning you could probably go there and hang out with them. I wouldn’t be surprised if the dressmaker was hanging out there too, she seems pretty interested in my sister.”

“Oh, she is. She’s always liked humans in a more romantic way,” Karkat said, rolling her eyes.

“You say that as if you weren’t red for Jade and black for the windy kid.”

Karkat threw another pillow at Dave, then sent him off to go to training. They devised a plan: Karkat got horribly sick this morning so he had to stay in, and just in case he got caught at the witch’s shop they could play it off like he was going to get magic done on him for his fever. To them, it seemed like a good plan.


	2. Chapter 2

The witch and the alchemist woke up in their shared bedroom. Because of the good business they’d been getting since they started their business and the connection’s they had (not to mention the dressmaker’s great generosity!), they had a rather big living quarters compared to most of the village-folk. They lived on the floor just above their shop which proved to be convenient for them.  
“Hey Rose, are you awake?” Jade asked after lying in bed for a while. She hadn’t put her spectacles on yet and she hadn’t even opened her eyes. She was still curled up on her hard mattress.  
Rose, on the other hand, was sitting at a table in the corner of the room looking into a cracked mirror while brushing her tangled up hair. She’d been awake for about an hour now but hadn’t bothered to start her morning routine until just a few hours ago.  
“Yes, I’m awake. I’ve been awake, Jade,” She said, tugging at a particularly stubborn tangle. She absolutely hated brushing her hair, but she was expecting a special customer, so she had to look her best. Well, as best as an alchemist at her job could look.  
Jade sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Of course this didn’t work. It never really did, despite what any story would ever say.  
“Alright. Everything is so blurry, could you get me my glasses?” She asked. She was very blind, and while her glasses helped, she still struggled to see sometimes. Rose came and gave Jade’s glasses to her. Jade got up and looked into the large cracked mirror, cringing at her hair. “I really need to wash up, my hair is gross!!!”  
“We can bathe tonight if you’d like. Meanwhile you can just stay up here when a customer comes,” Rose suggested, finally finishing her hair. She tied a black ribbon around her head. She once heard the dressmaker call it fashionable when she wore it one day, and she’s worn it everyday since then.  
Jade nodded, using the brush a few times through her hair before deciding it wasn’t worth trying to tame her mess of tangles. She’d end up ripping out huge clumps of her hair if she tried to go through with it. Instead she just put on her black skirt and white shirt so she could get to work. She headed downstairs to her lab to work.  
Rose slipped on her yellowish attire and an apron and followed her friend downstairs. Just as she began to mix up some tea for herself and Jade, the bell connected to the door rang, indicating someone entered the shop. Jade was just about to go upstairs but Rose stopped her. “It’s just your stupid cousin,” Rose said, getting back to work.  
Jade sighed and went back to her witching about. “Hello, Sir Fancy Wind-Boy. What brings you here today?” She giggled.  
“Oh, haha, hi Jade!” Sir Fancy Wind-Boy answered, his blue outfit practically glowing in the dim room. “Actually I came to deliver some important news from my accomplice.”  
“You mean that horrid thief?” Rose chimed in. She hated the thief. She didn’t come to the shop often, but when she did she always tried to use her “luck” to get some sort of deal, and if she didn’t, she just outright stole it.  
He laughed nervously. “I don’t think she’s horrid. Actually I think she’s really neat.”  
“No offense, Johnathan, but you also think those stupid plays with that Nicholas man are really neat too even though we all know that they’re cheesy and you’re wasting your salary on them,” Jade said.  
“Just call me John. Not like anyone around us are gonna hear you and call you improper or whatever.”  
“Sorry. Force of habit.”  
“Anyway,” John said, “I have news from the Thief of Light. She wants to get a large amount of healing potion for unspeakable business. She wants a lot of it, too!”  
Rose sighed and rolled her eyes as she grabbed some herbs from her counter to add to the tea. She was very focused on that tea. “I don’t wish to do business with her. She’s nothing more than a crook.”  
“But don’t you need some extra money for your new house that Jade told me about?” John mentioned. Rose stopped and lifted her head to look at John.  
“She told you about that?” She said, then turned her head towards the witch who was laughing nervously.  
She replied. “Heh, sorry Rose, I just couldn’t help it! I was just so excited about the idea that I just… I just told him everything,” Jade sighed. “I’m sorry.”  
Jade’s head fell. Rose pressed her lips together and walked over to her friend, placing a hand on her shoulder. “It’s alright, I just didn’t want to tell anyone about that yet. But it’s better than waiting. In fact, if our place is big enough, we could stay with your cousin and my half-brother. John, if you chip in to buy a new house, we could let you stay with us. We’ll be giving the same offer to Dave.”  
John shrugged. “I’ll have to take it up with my accomplice, but if she says yes then okay!”  
Rose and Jade rolled their eyes. “Really, John, she’s not your accomplice. She’s your boss and a thief,” Rose said.  
“Speaking of which, are you going to give her the potions?”  
Rose pondered this for a moment. “Tell her these words and these words exactly: Absolutely not.”  
John laughed. “Well, okay, but don’t be surprised if you see Tavros in here at some point trying to steal some of that stuff! She sends him to do her thieving a lot if she knows someone will think she’d steal from them.”  
“I’ll be sure to be on the look-out,” Rose laughed in return. Jade and Rose sent him off, and he used his windy powers to avoid walking. Jade actually granted him those powers, being a witch and all.  
Rose shook her head and got on with her day.


	3. Chapter 3

Dave showed up at his training just as the prince finished getting everyone lined up. “Ah, Sir David Strider, so glad you could make it to practice for once in your life. Where’s your troll companion?” The prince asked.

“Prince Dirk Strider, I’ll have you know that Sir Vantas was feeling sick and I had to take care of him before I came here,” Dave said, bowing sarcastically towards his brother. Prince Dirk’s duty was to train the knights who just exited pagehood. He used to train the pages, but there were some… Complications between him and one of the pages that caused him to be moved up.

Dave took his place in the line. Dirk showed them certain moves and they repeated. This went on for quite a while.

Meanwhile, Karkat had taken a short nap and then decided he would visit Jade and Rose. Well, mostly Jade. But Rose was there too, and also that made him seem less suspicious. He sleepily made his way to the shop wearing not his uniform but some of his more casual clothing, a black top with his sign on it and some greyer bottoms.

He walked into the shop and watched as Jade made her way up the stairs, taking a glance back. Their eyes met for a split second before Jade turned back and finished making her way back up the stairs. He blushed a bit before talking to Rose.

“How can I help you today?” She asked. Karkat shuffled over to the shelves filled with various basic potions.

He grumbled a little before finding an energy potion and walking back up to Rose. “I think I’ll just take this.”

She nodded. “Alright. That will be 2 silver coins. You have that much, right? I mean, considering your low salary,” She teased.

“That was kinda rude, but yes, I do have that,” He said, placing a pouch on the counter. Rose took the pouch and smiled a bit of a devious smile. Karkat knew why she was grinning like that. No point trying to hide from her. “Okay, fine. You caught me. Can I go see Jade?”

Rose’s smile evolved into a satisfied beam. “I’m not sure. Why don’t you call up there and ask her yourself?”

Karkat groaned. “Why’s she up there anyways? Is it something about me?”

“No it’s actually because-”

“Don’t!!!” Jade squealed, barely poking her head out into the shop. “Don’t tell him.” When she noticed the two of them, she hid behind the wall.

Rose rolled her eyes and began to whisper. “She doesn’t feel decent enough. She needs to clean her hair, that’s all.”

Karkat gave a small nod and then ran his fingers through his own hair. He could use a clean-up too. He’d have to head down to the lake tonight and wash up.

“Well, it was great doing business with you. Is that it, or would you like to help out since you’re skipping out on training again?”

“I’m not skipping out on training, I’m taking a sick day.”

“Right, and that’s why you got an energy potion and not a healing potion?” Rose said, quirking an eyebrow.

Karkat sighed. “I accidentally stayed up late reading some books, I had to get some sleep. I’d make a fool out of myself to go to training in such a state.”

“Right. Of course. Were you reading those silly romance novels again?”

“What?! How do you know about those??” Karkat said, clearly embarrassed. His face was turning a light red colour.

Jade sat behind the wall listening in. She couldn’t help but smile. Sure, Karkat was a jerk, but he had these cute little quirks that made him quite endearing. 

“Let’s just say that my brother has a big mouth. That’s also how I know about your little crush and some of your past relationships. You know, if you ever need a matchmaker figure in your life other than Nepeta, I’m always open to fill that spot.” Just then, someone else walked into the shop. “Well, almost always.”

Rose went off to tend to the customer who walked in. Karkat left the store with Nepeta on his mind. 

Nepeta was the town matchmaker who also had a hopeless crush on him. Rumour had it that their ancestor’s were an item that surpassed any sort of romance that was standard. Karkat couldn’t help but feel weird about it. She was obviously really into him, and if their ancestor’s were supposed to be anything like them, he should like her too. But he just didn’t. No, he had feelings for another young girl. A human girl.

Jade.


	4. Chapter 4

After training was done and all the knights had left except for Dave, who was still putting away his sword, Dirk approached him. “So, little brother, how was training today? Did I do a good job?”

Dave rolled his eyes. Of course his brother would catch him afterwards like this. He just wanted to go back to his quarters, no matter how cramped it was it was better than being out here with this jerk. “Sure, if it makes you feel any better. You did just perfectly.”

Dirk tussled Dave’s hair. “Thanks, kid. Hey, why don’t you hang out with Sir Jacob and I for luncheon? It would be a great fun for us all.”

“Brother dearest, I think I’ll decline. It’d be rude of me to intrude on your stupid relationships with stupid pages. Besides, I wouldn’t have anyone to bring. Also, Sir Jacob doesn’t like me. I’m sure of it.”

“Excuse me, brother dearest, but I think you’ve forgotten something: Jake is a boy. Don’t be stupid.”

“Whatever. Bromance. Whatever you want to call it,” Dave waved his hand in the air and began to walk to the courthouse. Sure, it’d be a bit of a walk, but he had to see his good friend. Dirk was following him.

“Come on, David, I was just trying it be a good brother. I guess I’m not aloud to do that though. Where are you going?” Dirk asked, resting his elbow on Dave’s shoulder. He shrugged his elbow off of his shoulder. He wasn’t going to be shown up like that.

Dave replied, “I’m going to see the judge’s daughter.”

“Which one? The completely bonkers one or the blind one?”

“The blind one.”

“Good. I can’t be seen around the older Pyrope. She’d be horrible for my reputation,” Dirk sighed, adjusting his princely uniform. His uniform was actually kind of ugly. It was pink and while the top half was okay looking, the shorts he had were puffy and they showed his white tights.

Dave chuckled. “Right, and Terezi wouldn’t put a damper on your rep either?”

“Point taken.”

Karkat had headed to the dressmaker’s daughter’s house. She had a nice little home, cozy but quite spacious considering she was the only one that lived there. He walked right in without knocking or anything; The Maryam and Vantas families were too close, and those two weren’t an exception. There were anything but that.

“Kanaya, it’s Karkat. Are you home?” Karkat shouted as he walked in. He slipped off his shoes so that he wouldn’t muddy up Kanaya’s nice flooring. 

Kanaya walked through a door wearing her casual clothing, a red skirt and black shirt with her sign on it. “Oh. Hello, Karkat. What brings you to my lovely home today?”

“I was taking the day off and I thought I’d visit you,” He said. “Also, I have some problems and need some advice.”

“Oh?” She said, sitting down on a chair at her small table. Karkat sat across from her. “Do tell me all about it.”

Karkat sighed. He felt a little awkward about what he was going to say, but he had to. Besides, he knew she wouldn’t judge him because those two were practically related. She wouldn’t care about him any less. “Well, I like this girl. I was thinking about asking her to the ball that the prince was holding.”

“I see,” Kanaya said. “First of all, who is this lucky lady?”

“She’s… She’s a human called Jade.”

Kanaya nodded, getting up to make herself some tea. “Oh, I think I know her. She works with my friend Rose. Tea?”

“Yeah, I know. And I’ll pass.”

“Suit yourself. Okay, so why don’t you ask her?”

“Because I’m too scared! I mean, sure, there’s a chance that she might like me too, but there are a whole bunch of things that won’t work about it. First of all, my best friend? I know that he’s into her. Also, she’s a human. Interspecies dates are about as mock-worthy as anything can get. Not to mention she’s acted like she hates me multiple times before, but also seemed sort of into me? All these stupid mixed signals!!”

Kanaya shook her head, sitting back down with her cup of tea. “No,” She said, sipping her drink. “That’s not it. You don’t care if Dave likes her, you don’t care if she’s human, and you can see past the mixed signals. Tell me what’s really bothering you about it.”

Karkat was confused. How did she know he was just stalling with all those stupid excuses? “I, uh… Maybe I don’t want to tell you!”

“You wanted advice, I’m providing it. My advice can’t be accurate if you don’t tell me why you’re so afraid,” She said. “You do want proper advice, don’t you?”

Karkat sighed. He seemed to be doing a lot of that today, and it wasn’t even lunch time quite yet. “I guess it’s because… I don’t even know. I guess there isn’t a reason.”

“Yes, that sounds about right. You’re scared for no good reason. So why don’t you just give it up and ask her? The worst she could do is say no,” She said. 

“Maybe you’re right, but still… I just don’t know. What if she really does say no though? I’d be crushed, and then you’d have to put up with me crying and feeling like absolute crap. I’d have to stay at your house for a while again!” Karkat said. He was very good at the excuses thing.

Kanaya thought about this, but then remembered last year. “You mean like when you broke up with Terezi because she was interested in Dave?”

Karkat folded his arms and sat there in silence.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

Karkat forgave her and then excused himself from her house and down to the Pyrope household which happened to be right next to the courthouse so that Redglare could have easy access to her job.

He knocked on the door and the crazy Pyrope girl answered the door. “Oh hey Karkles! You haven’t been here in forever!!” She said. “It’s totally rad that you’re here though.”

Karkat shook his head. “I don’t know where you come up with words like ‘rad’ but it’s incredibly stupid and I’m here to see Terezi. Is she home?”

The other Pyrope girl bit her lip. “Oh… Well she’s behind the house, but-”

“Say no more. I don’t care. See ya, Latula.”

“Sure, okay…”

Latula felt really bad for Karkat now, because she knew that Terezi was behind the house with Dave. The two of them were just chilling back there, but Karkat seeing them together would probably give him the wrong ideas. She shrugged it off though and began writing a letter to her very red romantic interest who was on a business trip with his father and little brother on a boat or something.

Karkat walked around the house and to the backyard to talk to Terezi. He hadn’t talked to her for a while, and he thought it would be a good time for the two of them to catch up and just be friends again.

But what he saw when he got there made him just want to leave again. Why hadn’t Latula mentioned that she had a guest over?

Maybe that’s what the ‘but’ thing was for. Man, he really should have let her talk.

He stood there in shock for a moment before snapping out of it by Dave’s hello.

“Oh, hey Karkat!”

Terezi frowned. What was he doing here? She looked at Dave and said very quietly, “Dave, I really don’t think he should be here…”

“Nonsense,” Dave replied equally as quiet, “it’ll be fine. He probably came here for a reason, don’t you think?” His voice got louder as he called for his pal. “Hey, Karkat, why don’t you come hang out for a bit!”

Before he could think about it, Karkat was walking over to sit in the grass with his roommate and his ex-matesprit. He sat crosslegged.

“So, what was it you wanted, Karkat?” Terezi asked, staring at her shoes. Karkat was doing the same.

“Well,” He began, “I just thought that we could start putting our friendship back together. Little by little.”

Terezi couldn’t believe her ears. Did he actually want to be friends again? Really? This was like a dream come true. “Uh. Maybe we could. I dunno.”

Karkat sighed yet again. “No, no, it’s fine. I get it. I understand that you wouldn’t want to be friends with me after how horribly it all ended. You don’t have to hide behind a maybe. Really it’s f-aaAAhh!”

He was interrupted as she leaned in to hug him. It was a really uncomfortable hug but a hug nonetheless. She let him go and he smiled. “So, what’s been going on with life?

The three of them were just beaming brighter than anyone who was ever lived.


End file.
